Her smell is slowly decaying...and yet the image of her still linger around every now and then....
The struggle almost up to 4 years ends with one peaceful last breath ...thou we shall tell ourselves "she is no longer in pain" to ease our own pain of such great lost.
It was a predicament in between prayers asking for
one : if God were to cure her....cure her as though she never had any sickness
two : if God loves her more than that...take her soul peacefully and place it among the loved ones

Poor dear dad, losing his soulmate of 33 years of marriage. It's a heart breaking moment walking into his room spotting him sniffing her stuffs just to retrieve her scents and breaking into tears....

Poor dear bro who has limitations...who does not even understand why God took her away....and wonders who would wake him up for 'sahur' during Ramadhan month.

Poor dear bro who didn't get to see her at the very last moment of her life

I don't know if i'm ever prepared to take over her place...
It's easier taking care of a dying person rather than taking care of people who lives...

but i'll do what i have to do...

What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...
and I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize
that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go
a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go

-Sarah Mclachlan -do what you have to do-

The smell of bedridden mother