Enough of picture blogging , and i was privately commented that i should stop the ridicule of posting lyrics in my blog.

I feel like I'm right at the point when i first started blogging , that was somewhere around end of 2005?..i think...
reverting back to my very first post in virtual world , it was not meant... because i have too much to say ...it was simply because at that point i was actually draining...

Things are just moving too fast late off, eversince September , when my mom passed away, and then the recovery process, and then the work , and the Gamelan , It's feels like waking up from an operation theatre, when u were put unconscious for hours under anaesthetic and when u actually recover from the drug effect you're like "what?...we're done?"...hours went by, goods and damages done , but u feel like it was only a blink of an eye.

The weird fact is, I actually wanted things to speed up. There's nothing awaiting you behind, and what's upfront is uncertain but u just wanted to get it over and done with.

Work is ...you know...Work, i have had my honeymoon years learning new things at the office/line, I've enjoyed being the new employee who's liable to make mistakes or learn through mistakes from time to time , or go back home to sleep during lunch , now it's just a full load heavy duty which makes me at parr with the rest of my seniors except for the salary. I'm the favourite person for the line people to look for to do them a little "ditry" favours (not in sexual terms ) . Leaving my speed dial number inside the line was a BIG mistake...applying for one was a mistake beforehand, which is why i have 2 phones...workline, personal line...which doesn't really fit the purpose since i don't have enough guts to off my workline during non-working hour . So those who works on shifts have little sense of sensitiviy for my private life that they can call me up at 3 a.m in the morning . Ouh well, it's the job that pays the bills....

Okay, so it's been a hard day's night during daytime, now it's time for de-stress, what do i do?...music?...yeah it has always worked for me....well atleast that's what i thought...so right after work, i'll rush to my "second home" all the way to sentul for gamelan rehearsals. It was all fun and relaxing...yeah at first...the closer it gets to the actual performance day, the crazier it gets, the schedules, the musical and movement workshops.....everyone's just exerted. The biggest drive for me to move my ass up(alih punggong) and go to rehearsals EVERYDAY till wee hours is realizing the fact that It's Gamelan that i'm juggling my life up and down for.

Nevertheless, i'm exhausted, people who are close to me don't really understand why i'm doing this to myself or..to them, considering what i've become. Getting your faces all around the newspapers and tv doesn't count much, since everytime i see myself on tv or paper, it feels suicidal looking at how fat i've become due to the stress. I was asked during an interview, how do i keep the energy and dynamic of music playing up since i have a completely different profession from what i am doing with the group. I said It's difficult at first since my daily routine had become double-sided when during daytime, it's all technical, organized, decisive , analytical repertoire and the other remaining half of the day is dedicated to something artistical, flowy, lyrical, musical , theatrical acts. I learned the trick to leave my daytime character once i enter the studio and i'm a musician like the rest of them, but it's never really getting there...at least i think not.

Today alone, i received bulk emails of friend's wedding/engagement/first baby born invitations/announcements ...it's sweet and all, but disturbing in a weird way...I'm really happy for them but i was just wondering, are they moving too fast or am i moving too slow?

I really need to ALIH PUNGGONG after ALIH PUNGGONG is over...