Have you ever felt like you possess something or some feeling..and own it forever ?...but then one day....all the so-called "paraphernalia" of yours diminish gradually....you might not sense this coming abruptly;notice a little difference ...but the tendency to question ? "nah...it's not happening..you're being over-sensitive"...says the little voice of your heart.....and your eyes glance it, and slips away to look at the beautiful scenery around with the hope that it would change your thoughts of your predefined-assumptions...

I am pretty familiar with the "come-and-go" situation....but first apparent experience did not come pretty when i felt like it was physically affecting my breathing when i lost something or perhaps...someone.....series of unfortunate "come and go" still happens after the first incident...
i know the feeling of seeing something everyday...and see less of them the following day...and less...and less....and completely lose my sight of them ...and when this happens...you blame yourself for not seeing it coming....this is where you are wrong....it was infront of you when you shy away to accept the truth.....so being denial is as easy as 'being yourself' during that time....:)

So...how do i reconcile this?...I fore "go" before they "go".....i see something everyday...i see less of them the next day.....then they'll see less of me the following day....and they won't see me hanging around like cats at mamak stall at all from that day onwards.....inhuman?...let me correct that brothers and sisters....it's human enough that it frustrates me when i almost had something or someone...taking them in into my life with all my heart's sincere....and finally they decide that they should leave with no explanation....you tell me which and which is inhuman...

i am by far profoundly defensive over my own feelings that i'm misunderstood for being bold and numb....well at least this my own remedy that keeps me going without in the end blaming myself or anyone for their pre-existence and disappearance