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Friday, October 28, 2005
It's getting harder and harder to breathe
ahhh i hate waking up feeling like this.....

i hate it..i just hate it...
i've been ignoring things ...being pretentious again...
why am i striving so hard to live like a man...
(not literally...but emotionally...emotionally?..or ...is it to my definition of living like a man means less emotions..or heartless)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
to prepare myself from anything that is heart-breaking in life (series of unfortunates)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
humor me...

ego...

macho sangat ke aku ni?....

what's wrong with having a heart?

huh...why is the feeling so heavy?...why today?..why not immediately after things occur?..why not never?....

2 years of being macho doesn't pay off well anymore....

"independent from relationship" konon...why the fuck did i say that?

i've been used before..but never in life i felt like being used in a two-way manner...

mistakes ..mistakes....what happens after mistakes?......this..
and a lot of other complications....

it's just so hard for me to trust anyone....so hard...

it feels like you're falling off the cliff,

one hand clinging to the rocks....another one to someone who reaches out a hand...telling you let go of the hands on the rock and reach his other hand..so that he can pull you up....

you feel insecure...afraid...but you stared at his convincing eye...you reach his hand...and as soon as you do....

the person just let go of both hands.......

and let you fall off the cliff slowly.....not swiftly....

that's just how hard it is...to reach both hands to others....



i'm just looking forward for december....the rest can just ease by time...






posted by RaNdoMHEarTsOfArMylla @ 10/28/2005 12:41:00 PM 

2 Comments:

Blogger RaNdoMHEarTsOfArMylla said...

:)

if i'd be doing the maths...succumbing to predicaments seems so continous...

even the word p.a.s.r.a.h spells to only five alphabets...it's lesser than the times i have to be pasrah......

i'm all smiley again today...

feelings are like traffic congestion...one minute it's so crampy
and not moving...another minute it clears up...and left us not knowing what causes the jam in the first place....

moving on to the destination ...waiting for chances to meet another
congested road...

Sun Oct 30, 01:57:00 AM  
Blogger RaNdoMHEarTsOfArMylla said...

hehe..
i know how odd it is to share the same cycle...

well...someone said to me...

when you meet the "man"...you'll become the "woman" again...

looks like we have to prolong the PASRAH to PASRAAHHAAHAHAHAHA...

:)

Tue Nov 01, 02:28:00 AM  

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