it's been weeks since i last blog...

sometimes i just feel like i came to a point where i couldn't write anymore....
even when there's so many things to blurt and ramble about...
how convince are you that i write everything that occurs in my life in this decent whites of window?...why am i asking questions at this screen like anybody would answer?....

yes it is partly about my mom's sickness....and itsy bits about my family....
and my music experiences...everything that over seemingly to be perfect on the outside..or at least has a nice ending to start with.....but is it really smooth and perfect as it is written?....
a friend once told me..."becareful what you write in the blog"..."take note on whom you want your blog to be read by"....makes me somewhat composed in writing.....i take hours or days to figure out wether the content is to be made public or not.....i know that i have all the rights to filter my lifestories to be set on private....or indeed make it a headline....but i am somehow...egoistic enough to tell the world that i drool at life lessons sometimes...failed at relationships which i tried to hang on so much.....sometimes feel invincible among my loved once....that i almost hate what i'm studying...but still hiding behind the so-called-glamourous name of engineering degree.....that i feel down everytime i gain some weight......that i have so much love to give...but still couldn't find the right person to shower it to....that i'm in love with a man of words....who once in a bluebright moon text me in the mids of nights....and heads off to some other county the very next morning....and patiently waiting for his next appearance....
how sad and lonely this life is sometimes....

so good i am at hiding my truest condition that my classmates doesn't even notice that i'm sick..physically sick...i've been struggling from viral infection for almost 3 weeks now....i'm not quite sure that i wanted to be healed....i was so reluctant to see a doctor...up to the end of second week...rarely have the time to consult to a doctor...and broke..even to get myself some medicine...

sounds of good songs are almost decaying...food doesn't taste so good anymore....the weather's no longer arousing...tv shows are just seemingly blank frames.....home is just a place to rest physicals rather than mentals.....displays of affection seems like glimpse of dream.......first morning wake becomes another 12 hours of daily burden.....

a sigh..becomes just another sigh.....