did i scare?.....i know the previous post was rather depressing.....perhaps i should... just be honest...indeed this is my blog..my journal...i was having a sudden erupt of emotional rapture.....everyone seems to be hiding in their own sanctuary...meditating from lifeless ordinary...i sprained my ankles...steps aerobic was just too much of fun...i just couldn't stop...knowing i'd carry a swollen ankle the next day....i read my horoscope that current day...mentioning something about me having some intolerable moments with my temper...and that i best not associate with another person in anything... .i smiled over the glory..of having everything in control......the day went perfectly fine...perfectly perfect...little that i know what was coming ahead...

proud of having to defy fate.....as a person who loves every single day at first wake.....i woke up the next day ...ready to face another day of working..unfortunate at first footstep of the day...bearing pain of my previous overindulgence....seems like going to work is another slip of possible....it killed my enthusiasm i had on finishing the programme i was writing.....but i resorted on working comfortably with my laptop....until suddenly there's a sudden power cut off!!!....and i couldn't restart the bloody laptop...the system crashed...!!!..period...i was so angry...i have not felt such high resentment for a long time...i tried restoring the system...i accidentally reformatted the whole thing...so the old system was overwritten...i'm not much of a computer literate.....so in this case..on that day...i was just an unfortunate fool......

but the thing that bothers me so much is the unhealthy feeling of resentment...it's a normal procedure for a normal person to get angry when things doesn't turn out to what they pre-expected...but extremely angry?...over a tech-failure?...and i do mean "extreme"...i cried...i felt like breaking something up....i did give the laptop a good slam...i was shivering angry...seriously...i don't know where this somesort of energy is coming from.....i haven't cried, or lose my temper for months..more than a year if i'm not calculating it wrong.....
could it be accumulated since the very last day i stopped releasing emotions...i have never been a tantrum -oriented person...not unless provoked...

so i spent half the day grudging and crying...where is the power of "control" i presume i had the previous day?....later in the evening...i regain my sanity...installed everything back into the computer.......although i have lost quite a number of recent files and pictures...i had some back up....at the end of the day....i have lost most of my energy....i felt asleep......

i regretted that i chose to succumb to my furiosity...i could've calmly redo everything..and save half-the-day from "losing it".....you know..in life...things happens unpredictably...but how you resolve the problem is in your control...wether you wanna spend the whole day being angry...or debugging the problem which have you caused you the pain in the first place....

kenapa lar bengang sgt?